Figures of Speech Served Fresh

Quote:  "Thank God for bars and dance halls."   Kinky Friedman, independent candidate for governor of Texas.

Figure of Speech: eucharistia (eu-ka-RIS-tia), the thanksgiving figure.

The founder of the Texas Jewboys country band is a serious — well, pretty serious — gubernatorial candidate.  Having collected 169,574 signatures and out-fundraising his Democratic opponent, Friedman offers peculiarly Texan thanks in the form of a eucharistia ("thanksgiving").

The figure does more than express gratitude; it lets a skilled rhetorician like Kinky align himself with the values of a particular deity or electorate — or both.  The Christian Eucharist, or mass, is named for the eucharistia.  (We’re sure Kinky would approve; his latest album is titled "They Ain’t Makin’ Jews Like Jesus Anymore.")

If the rhetorician vote were large enough, Kinky Friedman would be unstoppable.  He rattles off figures like no one else, including the paraprosdokian ("I support gay marriage. I believe they have a right to be as miserable as the rest of us."); the neologism (he’s for the "dewussification" of Texas), the erotesis ("How Hard Could It Be?" is a campaign slogan); the catachresis ("Get Your Biscuits in the Oven and Your Buns in Bed") and the beloved chiasmus ("Ask not if you are proud of Texas, but whether you have made Texas proud of you.")

He almost makes us wish we lived in Texas.

Snappy Answer: "Do they have voting machines in those places?"