Why Mommy Can't Win Elections

Quote:  “Democrats make sure we share all our toys, just like Mommy does.”  From the children’s book, Why Mommy Is a Democrat, by Jeremy Zilber.

Figure of Speech: diatyposis (di-a-ty-PO-sis), the figure of wise advice.  From the Greek, meaning “system.”

When Figaro first saw this book, he thought the Republicans had put out a clumsy parody.  Would Democrats really publish a book depicting themselves as squirrels??

Yes, actually, they would. 

The book repeats the same ungrammatical phrase, “just like Mommy does,” in a diatyposis — an especially annoying figure that teaches values in the form of sage advice.  (Shakespeare mocks the diatyposis in the character of Hamlet’s Polonius.)

Having managed to turn off a majority of Americans, the Dems are now driving their own children into the greedy little arms of the GOP.  Any self-respecting three-year-old will want to hide her new Dancing Elmo and send her allowance to Rush Limbaugh.

We can’t wait for the Republicans to put out their own version, showing patriotic little gun owners happily shooting squirrels.

Snappy Answer:  “Now, Republicans steal toys.  And they run off with women half their age and they’re always late with child support, the lazy, two-timing … Why, honey, why are you crying?”

Comments

[Fia]

Oh. My. God.

I just found the Republican version. It actually came first. It's called "Help! Mom! There are Liberals under my bed!"
...
Enter at your own risk.
http://www.worldaheadpublishing.com/helpMom/index.php

(And guess what! There's a fun fun sequel! It's called "Help! Mom! Hollywood's in my Hamper!"
Seriously, I'm not kidding.
http://www.worldaheadpublishing.com/titles/himh.php#

[Figaro]

Thanks, Fia. It's a perfect illustration of the two parties. The Republican version is slick, well-drawn, and consists of mean-spirited personal attacks. The Democratic book is vague, cheaply done, and, well, squirrelly.