We’re Not Worthy

Quote:  "Okay, pop quiz. Cassandra is not interested in Benjamin because … A: Chicks think he’s handsome, B: has cool car, C: has lots of cash, D: has no visible scars, E: does not live with parents."  Garth Algar in the movie "Wayne’s World."

Figure of Speech:  eutrepismus (eu-tra-PIS-mus), the enumerating figure.  Also diazeugma (di-a-ZEUG-ma), the play-by-play figure.

"Wayne’s World" is not merely Michael Myers’ first hit; to the discerning figurist, the movie constitutes a rhetorical orchard full of ripe figures.

Wayne is in denial about the suave television producer who’s pursuing his girlfriend.  Garth retorts with a eutrepismus ("well turned"), a figure that slices an argument into neatly numbered or lettered parts.  Cicero saw this device as a form of "division," in which the orator dissects the issue at hand near the beginning of his address.

As if that weren’t enough high-powered rhetoric for you, Garth’s little oration also employs a diazeugma ("multiple yoking"), which makes one noun serve a succession of clauses — a favorite of sportscasters.

Snappy Answer:  "Okay, how about, F: you’re a gimp."